Monday, 30 July 2018

A Return To What I Call Normal

Feb 8, 2016
Coming off of a sickness always makes me want to do more.  I really don't like getting sick.  It's like a shackle that I can't shake for a few weeks.  Whenever I end up getting a flu or a cold I always wonder what it feels like to be healthy.  The cold meds, pain meds seem to cloud judgment.  Quite annoying really.

I woke up this morning with some remnants of the flu that has plagued me for over three weeks now.  I always feel that when I get better I am going to do more with my days.  But where does this work life balance even come from?  I look at other people and see that they are living their lives to the fullest.  Do they have days like I do?  Days that seem wasted because I couldn't bring myself off of the couch?  What am I really missing in the world?  What is this crappy struggle that I put my self into?

I have found that buying things to make me happy doesn't make me happy anymore.  So I hold off on buying new things.  It's as if I am stuck on this eternal loop on always needing something.  I do all the checks in my head.  Will this thing make my life easier?  Will it make my days brighter?  This is truly highlighted when I bought my HP Stream 7.  It was a $100 tablet.  I could surf the internet I could check my mail.  It could almost do what an iPad could do.  Right now it just sits collecting dust on my desk.  Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up into the air.  Drop everything I am doing and just not do anything.  Why can't I just be happy with what I have.  I am already very happy with my family life.  I love it!  But when it comes down to my possessions I just don't really care.  I used to take care of how I dressed. Now I care about what is the easiest thing to wear when I get up in the morning.  I would rather have my hair cut short and not worry about styling it.  If I had to style it, it should only take 30 seconds.  Any longer and I would hate my hair all day.

Ramble, ramble, ramble.  Does this even make any sense?  What do you do when you have everything you have ever wanted?  I keep seeing these Jim Carey posts about asking the Universe for what you want most.  Once you have reached that point however where you have everything that you need and don't require everything why is it difficult to maintain?  Why are we programmed to want more when we have achieved everything we set out to do.  Are we programmed at birth to always look for more than what we have?  Do I expect answers to these questions?  Why yes!  Yes I do!  It's not gonna happen any time soon but I am hoping I will find some sort of Facebook Share or Youtube video that will give me just a little more insight.

Brian From the Future: Jul 30, 2018
I really don't know where my head space was when I wrote this.  I think what I was trying to write was that I hate getting sick and does everyone have an existential?  Its a couple days past my 35th birthday and I think I felt most of the feelings I talk about above when I woke up that day.  "The more things change the more things stay the same."  That's a quote from some either movie or TV show.  I think it is like a trope of some sort.  I will probably never know... I should google it.


  1. Yooo buddy, this might have some answers to some of those questions, not that they're quite as burning as they may have been at the time. XD
    Also, don't worry about what Jim Carey thinks, dude's an antivaxxer. He makes good movies, but he shouldn't be tasked with helping to formulate anyone's philosophical opinions.

    1. LOL thanks Wanderer I will take a look at the site. I think during this time Facebook Algo was going hard on posting this garbage onto my feed. #badfacebook